The penis, the penis, it doesn't take a genius.
A pauper or a king will realise,
It always comes back down to size.
You ask me how it's hanging,
It's strangling, it's dangling.
It's cutting of the blood supply,
And it don't feel good.
But by tomorrow evening,
Perhaps when I'm leaving.
I'm going to crack the top off,
After I get wood.

The penis, the penis, it doesn't take a genius.
The perverts and the poet empathise,
It always comes back down to size.
But when your male tail's, as big as a whale's,
There'll be some complications and,
Heaven knows, you will look awful silly,
When you free willy,
Shouting out "All hands on deck,
And "thar she blows"!
Why waste our lives with fighting
With hatred, wars and dying
When we can masturbate?

The penis, the penis,
Don't let it come between us.
Gomer and Rock saw eye to eye,
It always comes, it always comes.
It always comes back down to size.

I know this seems obsessive,
Regressive, excessive.
They claim that bigger's better,
So what can we do?
You wonder where we're heading,
With all this bedwetting.
But I am not forgetting,
That there's women here too.

Vagina, vagina
Did Julie say vagina?
Is Getrude Stein just down the hall?
Well it just isn't interesting at all...(not like)

The penis, the penis,
Oh, let it come between us.
As Dodi Fayed said to Lady Di,
It always comes, it always comes,
It always come back down to...

Um-diddle-idle-idle-um-dil-alie,
Um-diddle-idle-idle-um-dil-alie,
Um-diddle-idle-idle-um-dil-alie,
Um-diddle-idle-idle-um-dil-alie.

To size, To size

To size, to size, to size, to size
To size, to size, to size, to size.
To size, to size, to size, to size,
To size, to size, to size, to size,

To size.